Yesterday Charlie and I were out in Middleton, eating lunch at a place called Quaker Steak and Lube (the menu had far too many "lubes" in it for my taste- "Luberita" as opposed to margarita, Lemonade Lube, etc etc- I've made it a personal mission in life to never order a food if I'm uncomfortable saying the name... even the "biker chick salad" seemed a bit obnoxious and derogatory, but it was a great salad so i digress).

About halfway into our meal, we heard the familiar vibration of twin cylinder engines... and out of no where, 150 to 200 motorcycles rolled into the parking lot. and riding on these trusty steeds? a huge pack of wisconsin bikers. now- anyone who knows me knows that this is exactly the kind of activity that makes my day. i mean really. i could have gone home and done nothing else all day and would have been overjoyed. but icing on the cake- a local blues band known as the Blue Olives happened to be there as well, and once the bikers rolled in, the music started. fantastic.

we had the most random and fun saturday, and probably drove around most of dane county two or three times. The weather was gorgeous and not overwhelmingly hot, and it was great to spend a day together having fun and allowing spontaneity to be our guide.

the highlight of the day? Either the motorcycle gang (rallying together to support an end to child violence- love it!) or sitting on the dock in Maple Bluff, overlooking the city at midnight. I love this guy.

Edit- No, Cassie, your dad was not there.

Slow Saturday

But it's only 29 minutes into the day, so I'll be lenient with my customer base. And, it's hot.

Of course I'm rocking Eric Clapton... Come back Baby, let's talk it over one more time

Tonight we're going to the Claddagh Irish Pub tonight in Middleton to dance and see the Blue Olives play- we haven't been dancing since the wedding, and I'm excited. I'm the kinda gal who needs to dance at the very least once a week. It's like maintenance. Luckily, I have a cute boyfriend who also happens to be an excellent dancer.

Dancing compatibility has to have a lot to do with love, I've decided.

But I should work. I'll bid you adieu- and hope I don't eat too many Nilda's Chocolates.

on my porch again- this is my new favorite night time place to write... underneath the tomato plants, struggling to produce fruit through the bouts of heat followed by days of rain, in their little place of captivity.

two days ago, i went for my normal run and it induced a seizure. nothing serious, but nothing good... and i've been afraid to run since.

right away, i knew something was wrong. i was rounding the corner out of my complex when my hands and arms became tingly and tight, as if i'd been running for days straight, but i kept going. next thing i knew, i was blinking back spots of black and willing myself not to faint, and still, i kept running... kept pushing myself to continue, to not quit, to make it through the run.

when my former boss, eli, promoted me to a new position at mbeans he said, "elissa, do you know why you'll be perfect for this job? because you have the highest GSD in the company. that means you get shit done." it's true... my gsd drive is almost overactive- definitely a trait inherited from the loins and lineage of keri bristow, and one i'm proud of. but it's not the best trait to mix with epilepsy. it means that when i need to stop and take a breather, either physically or mentally, i won't allow myself to. because i just have too much shit to get done. charlie's good at patrolling this trait... sometimes irritatingly so.

anyways, post-run i was fine, and spent the evening watching tv and drinking water and felt mostly back to normal though a little glum... but the residual feeling of fear still lingers. that's the worst part about epilepsy. it causes a reaction of fear in your body so that you will cease and desist whatever you are doing and seek safety. even if you are safe. but it's all learning- growing- understanding.

apparently there's a meteor shower tonight though i see no signs of that now. the sky is dappled with a few stars. jingles of dog collars and people coming and going from their apartments remind me that i coexist. hopefully there will be a good show tonight, but like i said- the skies are pretty empty now.

Night Air

I've been running my AC all day but I'm sitting on my porch right now, past midnight, starry night, warm.... intense rain water from last night evaporating and making the air humid and thick. Both cats keep popping their heads out to see what I'm doing out here- they probably think I'm crazy. Maybe.

There's a nice breeze out here- my skin is welcoming organic air. My apartment complex (which is huge) is kind of like a tiny community- like a giant college campus... where no one knows each other. Pool, workout center, community hall with a pool table and game area, hot tub... i use the pool at night when all the bronzed, sunbathing, smirnoff-ice drinking girls have left and it's dark and peaceful. no kids, no creepy guys... just me and the moon.

i was on a walk tonight, and acutely aware of my surroundings. sometimes i'm not- sometimes i walk and see nothing... just think; my mind, rapidly going through the day, the past, the future. this evening i was calm, happy... able to soak it in. i took a new route- appreciated people's blossoming gardens and little houses, peeked in windows when appropriate... continued my realization that wisconsin is now but not my future.

to be candid... i'm happy. love is a new feeling for me- i've grown accustomed to it. lea said last night that although she couldn't believe i'd been working for her for 4 1/2 months, she also couldn't remember a time before me. I know the feeling. I remember life before now... but i've become so used to life now, that it's right. it's comfortable. it's supposed to be. it's me. charlie's wonderful. we're so well suited, it amazes me sometimes. finding a partner who completely understands me... who challenges me, who compliments me- it's fun. it's growth. it's expanding.

Mike and Jacqueline were married today... I wish I could have been there. Pat's giving me a mini play-by-play now and it makes me wish with more fervency that I was there to celebrate with my friends- but I knew making this decision to move that I wouldn't be able to be at every wedding, every party, every celebration- or see every friend on a whim. It's been challenging to be so far from my dear loved ones. But I make new relationships every day, and I'm continually thankful for that.

I should call it a night- my morning will come on full force... but I'm not ready to bid my saturday adieu yet. Soon.

Time Savers and Babies

This morning I had a novel idea: instead of eating breakfast and coffee, why not blend it all together?

I'm into time-saving ideas. So I made a "coffee smoothie" which consists of my coffee, ice, yogurt, and a banana, all blended. It turned into a frothy beverage resembling some sort of health shake. Not terrible though, and definitely saving me time- which immediately wins it major points in my books. Though I love novel ideas and new discoveries, I doubt I'll do it again. The prep and cleanup is not a time saver.

I often reference the blurred line between my work and my life. Really, if you spend 40 hours of your week at a place, and you actually enjoy it, the lines are going to get blurred a little bit. My dreams are often laden with children, babies, breastfeeding, pregnancy. And the more advanced I become at my job.. the more expertise I gain on the products, the more knowledge I share- customers are becoming convinced that I'm a childbearer. Maybe it's Madison, too... maybe I don't look as young as I did (I am, after all, a month shy of 25) because in Boston it was a question, "do you have kids?" and in Madison, it's a frequent, almost constant chime of, "and you use this with your kids?" or, alternately, "how many kids do you have?". I've skipped past the point of possibility and jumped right into the realm of indefinite.

Hopefully, no one's holding their breath for grand kids, because I can't promise any. Most adults go into parenting totally ignorant and excited- no idea what's in store for them- and that's why the human race works. That's why people keep procreating. Don't get me wrong- children are a blessing, but they're equal parts work to blessing. And if everyone knew just exactly how much work and money they are, earth would probably be way less populated. Yesterday, when I was holding Ali's baby Rocket, looking into his tiny dark eyes, I felt so overcome with affection for this tiny being. Tiny humans will do that to you- make you feel overwhelmed with love, overprotective, overcome with joy. And they remind you of the future- to stay forward thinking; they invoke good will, they bring peace. I'll probably have kids, too. It's what we do. For now I have cats, and they haven't failed me yet.

To combat boredom and get to know and appreciate our environment a bit better, Charlie and I went to Cherokee Marsh yesterday afternoon. The marsh is 1210 acres of living wetland that filters upland runoff, using excess fertilizer to grow marsh plants, and slowly releases cleaner water to the lakes below. Nature's fantastic, especially when unhampered.

It's huge- the marsh. There are 7 miles of hiking trails which we did not embark on, and then winding boardwalks all throughout the marshy ground which we did travel upon. The grasses and cattails are taller than I am. You get a feel for what wisconsin should be like, was like, before all of the veridian homes and apartment complexes started popping up. I swear, everywhere I turn there's a wingra plant, a gas station, a target, or a housing development in wisconsin. You can see the land beneath it- you know it's great farming land (what are we, zone 4? like vermont?) but instead it's been overdeveloped. Beautiful sloping hillsides and draping, weeping willows now sit, part of someone's yard. Sometimes, you escape that. Sometimes, you're driving and all of a sudden- BAM- you're in the middle of farm country. And there's just rolling farmland for as far as you can see. I love that about WI. It catches you off guard every time. But then, as soon as you were in it, you're out of it again, finding yourself amidst an edward scissorhands housing development.

This is life, though. The world's overpopulated. People need places to live. Housing developments are cheap, and give some semblance of home and neighborhood.

Though I try not to live by the things Jim Morrison did and said, he was right on when he said.. the future's uncertain and the end is always near. Let it roll, baby, roll.