Friday, November 6, 2009

Confessions of the Queen Security Guard of the World

I love going through old writings. This piece is SO ME. From the Fogg Art Museum

April 2006.

Humans are funny creatures. I feel like I learn a lot about humanity through the coat room Sunday shift. I can sum up a relationship through one simple question, "Do you guys want me to hang this together?"

It's like I've asked them to define their relationship: sleeping together, seeing each other, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, married..

Sometimes the answer will be, "We're not together.. but you can put our coats together." followed by an awkward laugh, which I return with a nod.

I feel worst for the couples who come in and one eagerly smiles and enthusiastically says, "Yes!" at the same time that the other one says, "Uh....... well, yes. I mean, sure. That's fine."

Sometimes one feels the need to define the relationship for me, saying, "well... if it means we only get one tag, I guess that's easier..." or "IF they'll both fit together..." I feel like I should take the other partner and pat them on the head and say, "Honey... get out of that relationship, because it's going NOWHERE." If it fits? Two jackets on one hanger? It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that almost any two jackets can fit on one hanger. And not JUST because I'm the Queen of the Coatroom. I generally end up feeling more like the patrons personal therapist. Sitting behind my desk with a clipboard and glasses, listening to the frustrations of being sent to me to drop off their bags (which have their laptops in them, because they are the type of people that bring laptops to museums), or having to get passes to take pictures, which took an extra three minutes out of their already overstuffed day. And imagine, being asked to leave a backpack or an umbrella in the coatroom! The injustice of it all! And so I'm forced to coddle them; pat their heads, tell them I understand; and all the while hope that at the end of their stay, there's a tip for me so that I can make my way to Starbucks to be coddled by my grande soy caramel macchiato. It's a vicious cycle, it really is; but at the end of the day, I'm glad that I answer to a cup of coffee and not a coatroom attendant.

Humans are strange creatures, especially the ones that frequent art museums.


Colleen said...

1. really glad your mother is forcing you to update this more often go keri!
2. this is SO YOU its really not even funny haha

elissa said...

Yeah- it's funny to go through my old writing and see that in 2006, or 2004, or earlier even, my writing style was basically the same.

I spend more time these days writing about serious things... or product reviews.... or my feelings on politics/ the environment/ life and love... but the flavor is the same.