Thursday, June 25, 2009

I just got totally lost in somebody's blogging world. I love it when that happens... an hour goes by and you realize your coffee's cold, and you're totally entrenched in someone elses life stories.

It's been nearly 100 degrees the past two days. So hot that even the pool isn't appealing.. charlie aptly likened it to baby bath water last night... luke warm, not overly refreshing, and all you can think of when you submerge your head and open your eyes underwater to do some moonlit laps in the murky, cloudy chlorine is sweaty bodies and sunscreen and everything else that must be leaching into the water and breeding there.

Anyone up for a swim? It seemed like a good idea last night... I worked from home yesterday, but I've been laden with cramps for the last few days and described as "totally unapproachable" (that went over well) so we went to charlie's friend bryan's house in the evening. When bryan said he was having a "sausage party" charlie misunderstood... thought it was sausages on the grill... as opposed to an all guys party. So, there I am with six guys who all work on a tree crew... swapping stories about the times they nearly died, or the pink baby squirrels they saved (or alternately killed) in trees, and then we found two teeny, tiny, downy birds that had mistakenly found their way into the yard, and watched the mama bird feeding them little morsels of food. It was sad, knowing they were going to die- either find death at the hands of some raccoon in the night, or roast in the inevitable sun that's still on it's way today.... But- we came home (eventually), bellies full of food and beer, and decided it was time for a nice dip in the pool. It was late... 9:30ish, but the heat from the day still hung heavy in the atmosphere, radiated out of the pavement, the air was stagnant and warm... so we swam in the moonlight... and that's when we realized the pool was no more refreshing than baby bathwater, and quickly abandoned that mission.

This is summer. Every year I forget, and every year I'm harshly reminded. Summer's hot. I'll get used to it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

It's a lazy day. 3 pm and I've done nothing this far; not even nothing worth discussing, just nothing to speak of.

I should go to the store at some point today and buy a fan. Waking up entrenched in sticky sweat with the sheets clinging to my body is definitely a sign of summer, but not necessarily one I have to experience to make this season authentic.

Yesterday was a classic tale of dish satellite (or any technology company, really) screwing you over. They told me to be at my house from 12-5 to expect someone to arrive (in that five hour block) to install my dish. I was pissed, but I stuck it out. The hours dwindled away, my wasted Saturday as I cleaned out my studio, made some really cool art with old pills (eventually I'll post pictures), tried to stand as close to the AC as possible at all times, and sat on my porch to tan my legs. Finally i get a call at 4:30 that, sorry Ma'am, they're running late... they'll be here at 7.

7!? After I've spent my entire Saturday of captivity, i have to CONTINUE to stay here? I ran to target, bought a bathing suit, picked up the dog i was sitting, took him for a walk, and came back. Made more art. Put in a movie. They didn't get here until 8. And then, they were here about 5 minutes whenceforth I told them that no, they couldn't drill holes into my apartment walls, and they informed me that they couldn't complete the job tonight and left.

i was a little more than irate. What a waste of a day. Not to mention I've got Jack, the nervous, barking, pacing black lab all up in my business, trying to eat the cats at every turn, and I've got the cats locked in one room all day, trying to rip up the rug....

in short, to make up for my waste-of-a-day yesterday, i should really do something today.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Is there such thing as the calm after the storm? Two nights ago was thunder and lightning all through the night, rain all through yesterday, lightning up until I went to bed at midnight... and today, totally calm, clear skied, sunny, birds chirping... the calm post storm. I'd say it's more of a heat-post-storm, really. All the air is stagnant and the humidity seems to just hang thick where ever you go. I was going to go to the Farmer's Market downtown with Jenny, but she took her baby Miles (he's not much of a baby, as he's almost two... but I like to call him a baby... because he kind of is a baby, in the scheme of the world. I mean, I'm 24 and I'm still kind of a baby) and they went early. She advised me not to come, in the heat and business of the day. Everyone's out to stretch their legs on this first beautiful day post storm... even though it's actually hot, sticky, and gross... and it's just after 8 am. What will the rest of the day hold in store?

Charlie's going to a Phish show this weekend, leaving me to fend for myself... the dish satellite guy is coming today... at some point... between 12 and 5. Love how they block off five hours of your day and you know damn well they never show up until 4:45, but if you'd left at noon they would have been there at 12:01 to set up your dish. It's good... I've been stir crazy with movie watching. But still. I'm also babysitting his brother's dog, Jack. A skinny black lab that's more like a child than a dog. The cats will really love me this weekend. Four of us in a tiny apartment, three of us being quadrupeds.

What'll we do with ourselves? Sun ourselves on the porch, perhaps? Go for frequent dips in the pool? Eat fresh veggies out of our tiny, growing garden? Watch all the dish satellite we can get our paws on? Take a field trip out to Cherokee Marsh? So hard to say, really, and the options are endless.

Friday, June 19, 2009

It's interesting how we become so immune to the pain of death. Maybe because we see it so much in movies and on television... charlie and i were watching a movie about a guy who killed for the sheer joy of killing- it was just an addiction like smoking or drinking... and i found myself justifying it in my mind... the movie guides you along this path, of course, so that you're siding with the killer, feeling sorry for him, pardoning his bloodthirst. That's our day-in-age, when you watch someone's throat get slashed and see blood spurting out of their jugular and it doesn't even phase you.

But it means when a real death happens, you're hardened to it. A friend of mine from home died last week of an overdose, and it was hard for me to separate fact from fiction. Fact: He's dead. Fact: I will never see him again. Fact: this is life. Had I been home, or even on the same coast as home, it probably would have hit me harder... but I'm not. I'm in the middle of the country where everything is easy-peasy, friendly, fun, and summer-time. I go to work and I work hard, I come home, cook dinner, drink wine, and watch movies with my boyfriend. Sometimes I go for a jog ("to better myself"). This is my life right now. There's no room for the death of a buddy. So my mind didn't make any room. I'm still grappling with it now- sometimes I'm overcome with waves of realization or sadness, but most of the time I just haven't accepted the fact that he's not on this earth anymore- that I'll never see him again.

What is this lassitude?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

am i crazy?

woman just calls about swim shirts, we don't have the size she wants... I offer to give her a call when they come in and go to write down her info. somehow we get disconnected. i wait a few minutes for her to call back, and then i'm like, "well, i can just look at her info on the caller id and call her back..." so i do

"hi, this is elissa calling from happy bambino..."
"i...think...i...was just talking to you about swim shirts"
"yeah, i didn't have your number so i didn't know how to call you back."

oh, i'm sorry ma'am, YOU CALLED ME
Just got back from a run... and I feel good. This morning was the kind of 7am that lends itself to a run... misty, cool, gray... you don't overheat, you feel good, and you get the chance to watch the mist rise off the wisconsin fields as you go. Really lush and green, and all of the irises are standing tall in their yards, proud to represent their houses (even if the houses aren't much worth representing).

I changed charlie's ringtone to "sexy back" unbeknownst to him... he probably shouldn't leave his phone lying around? and now I can't wait to see the reaction when it goes off. I wish I could plant it... so it went off when he was out with the boys or something. He probably doesn't even know the song, let alone who justin timberlake is. silly boy.

that got me thinking about ring tones. how do they represent us? i've had 4 main ringtones in my life. Sophomore year of college, it was 50 Cent's In Da Club, and that was back when ring tones were pretty terrible and it was just a midi file of the beat of the chorus... and then I had "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls, followed by Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover" to the recent, "Stronger than Me" by Amy Winehouse.

I really see no correlation between the four.

Monday, June 8, 2009

In general, my epilepsy is very manageable. I'm well controlled on medication and besides a few small breakthrough seizures, most of which I'm conscious for (epilepsy's a strange and often misrepresented disorder- it's not all falling down/ shaking/ biting your tongue, just fyi), I'm pretty healthy.

But then there are these weird episodes when you know your body's not quite right, and you're pretty sure it's linked to your epilepsy, but you're not totally sure... good signs that you've had seizures in the night? Waking up with blood on your pillow, waking up with a burst blood vessel in your eye, wetting the bed in the night, spraining thumbs in your sleep....... it's scary to wake up and think that in such a vulnerable and safe place- sleep- your body was out of control. Sleep/ night/ bed is such a haven for me- a shelter- and I hate to poison it with fears of seizures while i'm dormant.

you probably sense that i'm getting at something. I'm pretty sure I had a seizure in my sleep last night- but it's just that whole realm of the unknown that I hate. Does it really matter, the knowing? Maybe not. But my very nature- and maybe all of human nature- drives me to demand answers... to want to know, to seek truth, and facts.

it can be frustrating.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Both cats are on the porch, crouching on the water-logged boards, watching a loud, obnoxious and radiantly red robin chirp his heart out and hop up and down the banister in hopes to get some food from the feeder.

He must be trying to ward them off with his strikingly loud chirp- he stares right at them while hopping up and down, beak opening and closing, sounding like a squeaky toy underneath a foot.

I can see the muscles tighten in the cats' bodies as they wait, impatiently, to make their move. Tails swishing about. But the robin knows all too well that this is his game, and they're only pawns.

Now Leo has decided to make his move- he found that charging the robin didn't work, as the robin relocated to the small, sloping rooftop from where the birdfeeder hangs but did not cease and desist his horrible chirping. In a last ditch effort, Leo, pretending to lose interest, ran back inside to the other side of the room, under the dining room table, crouched down, and started chattering (and, if you've never seen or heard a cat chatter... it's very creepy).... then ran across the room, low- belly down to the ground like a stealthy black and white soldier and lunged again, unsuccessfully at the robin.

The robin has called in some reinforcements now... two are outside, chirping and bouncing around the porch and the cats are feigning non-interest. Itty Bitty, never the huntress (besides a few buzzing, dying flies here and there) has flopped over on her side- a clear indication that she is done with this game... and Leopold, in his defeat, has resorted to lying, hunched in the corner next to the recycling bin, yellow eyes squinted mostly shut and peering around.


Friday, June 5, 2009

Today is absolutely beautiful... blue skies dappled with unobtrusive, fluffy clouds, bright sun, chirping birds...

I'm eating hummus and chips, leopold is watching kids in a field out the window. Life continues to be good, albeit a bit tumultuous as times, as life can be. Nothing I can't handle... nothing I don't dislike, even- what's life without a little spice?

There's just enough breeze coming through my bedroom window to remind me that it's summer- that I'm alive- that things are good- that I'm content. We're all content here, and that's a beautiful thing. I hear tell of rain in for the weekend but I'll live- there are worse things in life than rain.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

If you miss my daily charm and wit (and come on, I know you do..) this is the blog I've been dedicating most of my time to:

TRUE, TRUE, it mostly deals with baby products, cloth diapering issues, and chemicals like BPA and phthalates but my voice rings true, and at least you'll get a little tastes of my effervescent charm. ;)

.........................I'm too busy.....................