Sunday, August 9, 2009

Night Air

I've been running my AC all day but I'm sitting on my porch right now, past midnight, starry night, warm.... intense rain water from last night evaporating and making the air humid and thick. Both cats keep popping their heads out to see what I'm doing out here- they probably think I'm crazy. Maybe.

There's a nice breeze out here- my skin is welcoming organic air. My apartment complex (which is huge) is kind of like a tiny community- like a giant college campus... where no one knows each other. Pool, workout center, community hall with a pool table and game area, hot tub... i use the pool at night when all the bronzed, sunbathing, smirnoff-ice drinking girls have left and it's dark and peaceful. no kids, no creepy guys... just me and the moon.

i was on a walk tonight, and acutely aware of my surroundings. sometimes i'm not- sometimes i walk and see nothing... just think; my mind, rapidly going through the day, the past, the future. this evening i was calm, happy... able to soak it in. i took a new route- appreciated people's blossoming gardens and little houses, peeked in windows when appropriate... continued my realization that wisconsin is now but not my future.

to be candid... i'm happy. love is a new feeling for me- i've grown accustomed to it. lea said last night that although she couldn't believe i'd been working for her for 4 1/2 months, she also couldn't remember a time before me. I know the feeling. I remember life before now... but i've become so used to life now, that it's right. it's comfortable. it's supposed to be. it's me. charlie's wonderful. we're so well suited, it amazes me sometimes. finding a partner who completely understands me... who challenges me, who compliments me- it's fun. it's growth. it's expanding.

Mike and Jacqueline were married today... I wish I could have been there. Pat's giving me a mini play-by-play now and it makes me wish with more fervency that I was there to celebrate with my friends- but I knew making this decision to move that I wouldn't be able to be at every wedding, every party, every celebration- or see every friend on a whim. It's been challenging to be so far from my dear loved ones. But I make new relationships every day, and I'm continually thankful for that.

I should call it a night- my morning will come on full force... but I'm not ready to bid my saturday adieu yet. Soon.

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