I hate to be too candid about my honeymoon.

First of all, I'm putting a honeymoon on par with New Years Eve. Or, at least mine is. The way there's so much build up and excitement to the new year, so much pressure to have a bigger, better, bolder New Years than the last. And post New Years, you are bound to be peppered by the constant chime of, "What did you do for New Years?"

Maybe, for New Years Eve, I just wanted to stay home, eat popcorn, and watch movies with my honey. Maybe I didn't care about New Years at all. Maybe I didn't celebrate, or went to bed early. And yet, the question is constantly asked, and my frank answer is always met with a certain amount of disapproval.

Our honeymoon was tumultuous, at best. To kick start the whole shebang, we got to the airport nice and early on Monday morning- bright-eyed and bushy tailed, only to find out that our flight had been rescheduled to leave an hour earlier, but we'd never been notified. Apparently "this can happen" "when you buy your ticket early". Excuse us for planning ahead.

Our cabin was ransacked and we were robbed our second night in Grand Cayman-- my wallet, our brand new, never-been-used, nicer-than-we-could-afford wedding present camera, and charlie's $10 aviators. A strange compilation but alas, stolen, never again to be seen. Though we were given interesting insight to the police on Grand Cayman after spending an hour doing a handwritten report with a detective, two cops nervously pacing the grounds in dark sunglasses. As per Caymanian dialect, I'm happy to say that the police report was full of mispellings and the word "tings" in place of "things".

There was a shooting in Hell (a town aptly named for the overabundance of lava and limestone, as in, "this must be what Hell looks like")... apparently there is some gang activity on the overwhelmingly large 20 mile island.

Our rental car was sideswiped on our last day; people drive on the left in Grand Cayman, and someone came flying up the left side and sideswiped me. I noticed, with much annoyance, that their little yellow convertible looked totally untainted as they sped off into the exotic (though suddenly unappealing) sunset. Our little Toyota Yaris was not so lucky.

And to cap it off, we got stuck in Detroit on a runway for 2 hours on the way home because of the heavy fog in Madison.

It wasn't all bad. We had each other, we had a beautiful beach and a great little cabin, and we were able to rest and relax, which is what we really needed post (traumatic stress) wedding planning. It just wasn't what you'd typically expect. So when people ask me, with excitement in their eyes, how my honeymoon was, and want me to spill all the juicy, sexy, exciting details, I'm a little at a loss for how to describe it. And it was sexy and exciting... just not in the typical sense.