Monday, May 11, 2009

Up eating chips and salsa after midnight. Charlie told me recently that he didn't want me to gain or lose any weight because he thought i was perfect, and that if i started losing weight, he'd start feeding me carbs at bedtime. funny.

i'm listening to music from last summer. doesn't that always mess you up? it very well may be the habanero and lime salsa that's bringing tears to my eyes... in some ways, a year ago seems so close and in others, so far. my mindset right now is so different, my thought processes evolved so drastically over the year. I went through big changes in a mere 365 days. I'm not just talking about the move, though I think I was becoming prepared to leave, unbeknownst to me, through a growth process.

I never would have been ready to leave Boston, my job, my friends. And then, all of a sudden, I was. Even the day that I packed up and left boston, I didn't know if things would work out with charlie, but I did know that the move was right. And here I am. Living. Surviving. In love. And happy. I made the right decision.

so sitting here, listening to music from last summer, thinking about how fresh and green everything was, how my heart beat so differently, for different things, how my mind was entangled in different thoughts... and feeling a sad tug at my heart... it doesn't have to do with wishing i was back there. it's a form of reminiscing.

in a year, i'll look back and reminisce about this night that i stayed up late in that cute Madison apartment listening to okkervil river, Leopold meticulously cleaning himself on top of tina's mattress, crab apples fresh in bloom, love new in my heart, city fresh, unfolding, and full of secrets.

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