What to do with my holiday?

I think I'll celebrate by running errands at target. Then, I may sun myself by the pool (the pool in my apartment complex just opened... niiiice)... and maybe clean the litter box and organize my crafting desk a bit.. throw out things I don't need... clean the bathroom, scrub the tub... oh, what a great holiday I have planned!

Tonight we're going to Tina's to cook portobella mushrooms and make caprese salads and wine and dine with her and the kids and betsy.... yes. In the meantime, I'll entertain myself with various charades of homemaking.

Up at 6, despite my alarm scheduled for 8. Leopold and Bitster are sitting in the sliding glass window, watching rain water the plants on my porch. Two tomato plants fell over and I had a weak moment wondering if I should bring them in, but all of my plants are so thirsty, it seems necessary.


I think I'll get in 2 hours of work before going to work. We're building this new website and it's kind of kicking my ass. It can take hours to upload one product at times. There's just so much to do. I'm working completely solo today, and I feel a bit nervous about it. Opening, closing, everything... alone. It's rainy, so maybe it won't be super busy. Hard to say.

This weekend is "Brat Fest"- Cassie, can you explain to me Midwesterners obsession with cheese, beer, and smoked meats? This is a huge draw for people, I've heard mention of brat fest more times than I deem necessary for such an event, and then yesterday charlie says, mid-day, while i'm working, "Sweetie! It's BRAT FEST!!!"

yeah. no.

I guess if I had spent my entire life in the same flat, long-wintered town, cheese, beer, and smoked meat would excite me too. And really, if you examined the things that do excite me, they're no better. I'm just not represented by a group of people.

I was standing on my porch last night in the very beginnings of summer heat, surveying the lush green arboreal landscape, watching the wind blow through fields of grass, turning it belly up and exposing its purple side, smelling the sweet, new, lily-white flower blossoms that hang heavy and full in the trees.. and i was flooded with this overwhelming sense- I'm happy.

Happy. Not just content. But actually happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be here. Happy to be there. Just, in general, happy.

Maybe it's just love that does that to you? I hear that love is blinding, but I don't find it to be so. I think I'm faced daily with many of charlie's faults-- and vice versa-- and we just know, accept, and love each other regardless.

sometimes we talk about moving to the west coast, starting an organic farm... that makes me excited. but for the first time in my life, i'm not chomping at the bit to advance my situation. I'm content right where I am, and I could stay here for a while, happily. It's nice to not feel restless. It's nice to feel right.

today is a *real* day off.

i slept in, and didn't feel guilty about it. then i lounged in bed. thought about life. enjoyed myself.

played on the computer. caught up with friends.

got my hair cut. went to target. bought a beautiful rug for my kitchen (beautiful little circle rug with a flower on it, matches the red walls... it's great).

now i'm home doing a deep conditioning treatment on my hair and sewing. I'm about to pop in a movie. today is a complete day off. pamper. don't do any work. I love it. my days off thus far have been task-oriented and busy. Later, I'll go to the bank. that will be an errand. But I can handle it. It'll be nice to get out for a minute. i should consider eating something too... but, I'll get to that :)

Up eating chips and salsa after midnight. Charlie told me recently that he didn't want me to gain or lose any weight because he thought i was perfect, and that if i started losing weight, he'd start feeding me carbs at bedtime. funny.


i'm listening to music from last summer. doesn't that always mess you up? it very well may be the habanero and lime salsa that's bringing tears to my eyes... in some ways, a year ago seems so close and in others, so far. my mindset right now is so different, my thought processes evolved so drastically over the year. I went through big changes in a mere 365 days. I'm not just talking about the move, though I think I was becoming prepared to leave, unbeknownst to me, through a growth process.

I never would have been ready to leave Boston, my job, my friends. And then, all of a sudden, I was. Even the day that I packed up and left boston, I didn't know if things would work out with charlie, but I did know that the move was right. And here I am. Living. Surviving. In love. And happy. I made the right decision.

so sitting here, listening to music from last summer, thinking about how fresh and green everything was, how my heart beat so differently, for different things, how my mind was entangled in different thoughts... and feeling a sad tug at my heart... it doesn't have to do with wishing i was back there. it's a form of reminiscing.

in a year, i'll look back and reminisce about this night that i stayed up late in that cute Madison apartment listening to okkervil river, Leopold meticulously cleaning himself on top of tina's mattress, crab apples fresh in bloom, love new in my heart, city fresh, unfolding, and full of secrets.

Coffee and greek style yogurt with maple syrup- this is how i start every morning.

I wish I didn't have to work today, it being saturday. At least it's raining, so I don't feel so much like I'm missing something great.

The constant rain has caused green to creep in every which way. Flowers are blooming, plants are coming up, and the smell of spring hangs heavy in the air.

Though I miss my friends, I'm still happy, continuously. And I'm making new friends, which is exciting.

I'm excited by the thought of moving farther west someday. To bigger mountains (because, wait, Wisconsin's flat), to greener fields, away from modular homes. I spend my free time thinking of building a house at the end of a long driveway somewhere in the hills of california, or oregon, or washington....

it's nice.