Friday, January 30, 2009

Foreshadowing of my strange day came in the form of my disgruntled, malodorous seat partner on the bus this morning. The most peculiar people always get on the bus and undoubtedly start ambling towards me and my open seat, despite a bus filled with vacancies- it's my lot in life.

at the store today, a woman asked me where the "adorable puppies from the front window" were kept and i guided her towards our overabundant displays of plush. she said to me, "let me tell you a secret" and pulled me uncomfortably close. she was older, salt and pepper hair pushed up and over a winter headband and big, goofy glasses that made her eyes wide and owl-like.

"the way you display your stuffed animals encourages people to rummage. And when people rummage, things get dirty. And people sneeze on them, and they get covered in germs, and the visual alone is completely troubling to me and goes against all of my standards." (all along I'm nodding and smiling in muted agreement) "I wanted to buy a brand new, clean, cute puppy for a new baby and I can't do that in your store. Now... do with that information what you will." I smiled, thanked her, and threw the information immediately away in my brain. Or, deposited it here. It's a pretty funny story.

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I have a habit of growing impatient in the last 15 minutes of work and delving into a project that's way too ambitious for the time frame.. usually keeping me over 15 to 20 minutes. Tonight, I decided to tackle the Ty Girls. Ty Girls are once slutty turned pseudo-sweet dolls brought to you by Ty, the makers of Beanie Babies. It's common to find them on the shelf, their once smoothed back tresses ripped out of pony tails and tied into all kinds of knots. Tonight I decided to throw a little spa party for the Ty girls and fix up all their hair.

I was happily finger brushing their pink, purple, orange, and yellow hair back into tiny pony tails when I was awkwardly interrupted by a very large lady, approximately mid twenties to mid thirties, who exclaimed to me her love for dolls. To give you the appropriate mental picture.. I was sitting on the floor amidst a sea of slutty dolls with wild hair when this giant lady with a huge winter hat stood dauntingly above me. "I never found a doll that looked like me except this one" she said, as she grabbed Belle (from Beauty and the Beast) off the shelf, "because she has brown hair and green eyes."
me: "oh, nice, i have brown hair and green eyes too.."

she didn't stop there. we discussed dolls at FAO Schwarz that you have to adopt, tiny stuffed horses, a pheonix and a unicorn, the pregnant raccoon that had taken up residence in her house, and how she wanted a baby but had no man to make one with. I can't make this stuff up.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

can we please co-author a book or write a sitcom? it has to happen. i can't take it.