Monday, January 19, 2009

the glow of the clock serves as gentle reminder. neon in its insistence. it's time for bed. and sleep is inevitable at this point. even my nagging cough won't hinder my slumber for long. i'm just waiting for the nyqil to kick in. i rarely take a sleep aide, but it has been necessary in battling this strange attack on my body. drugs, sleep, water, tea. sleep- wake up- do it again.

coughing on customers has become a favorite past time of mine. waiting until i'm in the middle of something good... car seat laws, or the importance of finding the perfect stroller- that i decide to cough right into their pregnant bellies, or the sweet, precious faces of their children. and usually, it's not just coughing. it's a full on attack. coughing until i excuse myself, drink some water, let my eyes well up with tears. my body physically aches.

i've been complaining about this. a lot. and really, to anyone who will listen. you forget what sickness is like until you're stricken. gives me back an ounce of empathy. actually, it gives me tons of empathy. i think of people who live their entire lives, sick. no relent, no release, no freedom from that chamber. i'm lucky to be so healthy. i'm lucky that when i get sick, it's been so long that i have to complain like i'm dying. because if the memory of ailments was that close to my remembrance at all times, i'd be in a much worse place.

i've been in the mood to write lately. i'm an expressive gal. I guess i have a lot to say. and this has been a rough week. on the bright side, it can really only get better from here. it's categorically impossible for things to get any worse. I should be careful playing that game though, it's like im daring God to prove me wrong. entirely not the idea.

sleep is coming now. heavy, like a fog over my brain. i have so many thoughts whirring around my head, but my body is feeling the physical affects of this drug. it's like an epic battle. who will win? Mind, or body? I'm gunna go with body. My mind can think in dreams.

tomorrow, i go to the doctor. good night.

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