I find myself on websites like i-am-pregnant.com checking out their pregnancy calculator and filling out my own fertility charts for research' sake... and I have to wonder when it's gone too far.
Google has picked up on my frequent searches. When I type in "trying to" it auto-fills with "get pregnant", even on my home laptop. All of the ads on my sidebar always have to do with cute baby clothes, BPA-free bottles, or cloth diapering techniques. And I think about babies all the time. This isn't new to Madison- so don't fear (I'm not baby-minded these days). It's an occupational hazard, one I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. But mapping the fertility chart today tapped an all-time low. I wondered what charlie would think if he found that. What he'll think next time the sugary-sweet pink email pops up in my inbox, "Elissa, you're ovulating". Even the ease at which i talk about all issues regarding babies, ovulation, breasts, and the like is a bit alarming, especially for a 24 year old.
It's past midnight and I'm eating salad and pizza in the kitchen, drinking out of the Love Conquers Sig that Mik got for me for my road trip across the country. She could barely part with me then for the two weeks I'd be gone... and now i'm permanently out of the East Coast. The midwest has treated me well, that's for sure. And I don't regret my decision to come here. It feels like home, and I can't ask for more than that. Being with charlie feels like home.
----
Morning now. Ridiculous to-do list. I'm actually going to follow it today, unlike last Wednesday on my day off when I found myself so incapacitated that I didn't do anything. It happens.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Leo and I are watching a downpour outside.
I went upstairs to shower and it was mildly sunny. I came out to thunder and torrential downpours.
I love to watch the cats while they figure things out. Leo, sitting in the sliding glass door, head cocked to one side, staring persistently at the rain soaked blades of grass and the seedlings we planted. The field has a tendency to fill up with rain and flood and then the ducks come.
Leo, now, stretched out on the cool tiles in front of the fireplace. probably dreaming about destroying more of my plants and escaping out the sliding glass doors to his freedom. what would he do with such freedom? no one to feed him, scratch his belly, kiss his nose. he doesn't know what happiness is because he's too busy toeing the lines. i appreciate him anyway.
the thought has occurred to me that this should be elissa's cat blog rather than elissa's art blog... but i'm not ready to go down that route.
a text from my mom: "it's sunny n going 2 b 80. I luv u 2"
now i hear birds chirping and chattering away but see only rain and gray skies. the midwest is strange.
I went upstairs to shower and it was mildly sunny. I came out to thunder and torrential downpours.
I love to watch the cats while they figure things out. Leo, sitting in the sliding glass door, head cocked to one side, staring persistently at the rain soaked blades of grass and the seedlings we planted. The field has a tendency to fill up with rain and flood and then the ducks come.
Leo, now, stretched out on the cool tiles in front of the fireplace. probably dreaming about destroying more of my plants and escaping out the sliding glass doors to his freedom. what would he do with such freedom? no one to feed him, scratch his belly, kiss his nose. he doesn't know what happiness is because he's too busy toeing the lines. i appreciate him anyway.
the thought has occurred to me that this should be elissa's cat blog rather than elissa's art blog... but i'm not ready to go down that route.
a text from my mom: "it's sunny n going 2 b 80. I luv u 2"
now i hear birds chirping and chattering away but see only rain and gray skies. the midwest is strange.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
it's 10:51 am and i'm already working on lunch. i've been up for awhile so it feels excusable.
my list of 'to-dos' is so overwhelming that i feel incapacitated. days like this are inexcusable in my book.
the cats like to sit outside and look longingly at the green field. wisconsin's nature is to be flat, so i can see the field where charlie and i play frisbee, the road that i drive to work, and a fence that's meant to serve as a barrier between us and a residential neighborhood. wisconsin is into those cookie cutter, modular homes piled on top of each other and clustered onto tiny hills.
i feel guilt ridden. tired. used up. but i'm not unhappy, and i know it will pass. it's just one of those mornings.
my list of 'to-dos' is so overwhelming that i feel incapacitated. days like this are inexcusable in my book.
the cats like to sit outside and look longingly at the green field. wisconsin's nature is to be flat, so i can see the field where charlie and i play frisbee, the road that i drive to work, and a fence that's meant to serve as a barrier between us and a residential neighborhood. wisconsin is into those cookie cutter, modular homes piled on top of each other and clustered onto tiny hills.
i feel guilt ridden. tired. used up. but i'm not unhappy, and i know it will pass. it's just one of those mornings.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Dad arrived in Wisconsin this afternoon to deliver the rest of my belongings- he flies out tomorrow morning at 6 am. Which means we're up at 4 am to get out of here. Wow. What a guy!
He got here around 2 and charlie entertained him. they came by the store and surprised me. so cute, my men in my store. they spent 3 hours watching jimi hendrix music videos... hey, whatever makes them happy.
things are going amazingly. we are planting right now- tomatoes, peas, beans, poppies, peppers...
i'm not feeling totally articulate. tired. but life is good, and i am so happy.
He got here around 2 and charlie entertained him. they came by the store and surprised me. so cute, my men in my store. they spent 3 hours watching jimi hendrix music videos... hey, whatever makes them happy.
things are going amazingly. we are planting right now- tomatoes, peas, beans, poppies, peppers...
i'm not feeling totally articulate. tired. but life is good, and i am so happy.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Still uploading CDs. Seriously, this guy has got thousands. Its fun though. He brings down new stacks to listen to on a regular basis and I just take my free moments to upload them while he sleeps, or cooks, or cleans.
Yeah. Did I mention that charlie cooks and cleans? cooks well. And cleans all the time. I'll wander around his house leaving a trail of things- my dirty socks, papers, hair clips... I turn around and they're all neat and in order somewhere. And he's probably vacuumed in my wake as well.
Good guy. good guy. and so damn cute. not sure how I got so lucky.
It's Easter today. Thus far I'm celebrating with a mug of coffee, a box of nerds, and the internet. I think we're going to the 4 pm church service. I tried to talk him into brunch but he wasn't really being baited. mostly because that included getting out of bed in the morning.
Yeah. Did I mention that charlie cooks and cleans? cooks well. And cleans all the time. I'll wander around his house leaving a trail of things- my dirty socks, papers, hair clips... I turn around and they're all neat and in order somewhere. And he's probably vacuumed in my wake as well.
Good guy. good guy. and so damn cute. not sure how I got so lucky.
It's Easter today. Thus far I'm celebrating with a mug of coffee, a box of nerds, and the internet. I think we're going to the 4 pm church service. I tried to talk him into brunch but he wasn't really being baited. mostly because that included getting out of bed in the morning.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Despite the lost purse episode of last weekend, things have been great.
Love sort of crept up on me. I didn't expect to find it, I didn't expect to leave my job, I didn't expect to move. Then again, where's the fun in a life that meets, rather than exceeds, all of your expectations? Surprises are one of the best parts of life. God seems to love throwing little surprises at me- curve balls if you will- but I've learned to roll with it, and life is better because of that.
charlie's sleeping... as always... and i'm uploading music into his itunes for him. He doesn't understand the value in having thousands of cds uploaded onto your computer. And he literally has thousands of cds. i just can't let this be.
Love sort of crept up on me. I didn't expect to find it, I didn't expect to leave my job, I didn't expect to move. Then again, where's the fun in a life that meets, rather than exceeds, all of your expectations? Surprises are one of the best parts of life. God seems to love throwing little surprises at me- curve balls if you will- but I've learned to roll with it, and life is better because of that.
charlie's sleeping... as always... and i'm uploading music into his itunes for him. He doesn't understand the value in having thousands of cds uploaded onto your computer. And he literally has thousands of cds. i just can't let this be.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
so, i'm officially here.
charlie and I drove here in two days- full car, two cats, two of us. The country is pretty boring between Vermont and Madison. There's a long stretch of New York, a tiny piece of Pennsylvania, and quite a bit of Ohio to muscle through before you feel like you're getting anywhere.
we stopped in china town in chicago to use the bathroom- not something I'd recommend. The attendant was locked behind a glass window, and the bathroom was literally drenched in urine.
last night we went out to see a talking heads cover band- which was excellent- and dance. someone broke the window of charlie's car and stole my purse. which had everything in it- phone, passport, social security card, insurance card, all of my makeup (may be what i'm most sad about.. that's expensive!), my car keys, my medication...
but, what can you do? be thankful they didn't find his GPS or anything more valuable in the car. and for me, i just start over. get all my shit together.
charlie and I drove here in two days- full car, two cats, two of us. The country is pretty boring between Vermont and Madison. There's a long stretch of New York, a tiny piece of Pennsylvania, and quite a bit of Ohio to muscle through before you feel like you're getting anywhere.
we stopped in china town in chicago to use the bathroom- not something I'd recommend. The attendant was locked behind a glass window, and the bathroom was literally drenched in urine.
last night we went out to see a talking heads cover band- which was excellent- and dance. someone broke the window of charlie's car and stole my purse. which had everything in it- phone, passport, social security card, insurance card, all of my makeup (may be what i'm most sad about.. that's expensive!), my car keys, my medication...
but, what can you do? be thankful they didn't find his GPS or anything more valuable in the car. and for me, i just start over. get all my shit together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
