Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Love Conquers

I find myself on websites like i-am-pregnant.com checking out their pregnancy calculator and filling out my own fertility charts for research' sake... and I have to wonder when it's gone too far.

Google has picked up on my frequent searches. When I type in "trying to" it auto-fills with "get pregnant", even on my home laptop. All of the ads on my sidebar always have to do with cute baby clothes, BPA-free bottles, or cloth diapering techniques. And I think about babies all the time. This isn't new to Madison- so don't fear (I'm not baby-minded these days). It's an occupational hazard, one I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. But mapping the fertility chart today tapped an all-time low. I wondered what charlie would think if he found that. What he'll think next time the sugary-sweet pink email pops up in my inbox, "Elissa, you're ovulating". Even the ease at which i talk about all issues regarding babies, ovulation, breasts, and the like is a bit alarming, especially for a 24 year old.

It's past midnight and I'm eating salad and pizza in the kitchen, drinking out of the Love Conquers Sig that Mik got for me for my road trip across the country. She could barely part with me then for the two weeks I'd be gone... and now i'm permanently out of the East Coast. The midwest has treated me well, that's for sure. And I don't regret my decision to come here. It feels like home, and I can't ask for more than that. Being with charlie feels like home.

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Morning now. Ridiculous to-do list. I'm actually going to follow it today, unlike last Wednesday on my day off when I found myself so incapacitated that I didn't do anything. It happens.

4 comments:

Colleen said...

yippee for updates <3

Sarah Stu said...

Iampregnant.com Elissa...for real you need a life :)

Keri said...

I'm a little worried................

elissa said...

Not to worry mom, not to worry. If you see any children out of me ever, you'll be lucky.