Monday, June 8, 2009

In general, my epilepsy is very manageable. I'm well controlled on medication and besides a few small breakthrough seizures, most of which I'm conscious for (epilepsy's a strange and often misrepresented disorder- it's not all falling down/ shaking/ biting your tongue, just fyi), I'm pretty healthy.

But then there are these weird episodes when you know your body's not quite right, and you're pretty sure it's linked to your epilepsy, but you're not totally sure... good signs that you've had seizures in the night? Waking up with blood on your pillow, waking up with a burst blood vessel in your eye, wetting the bed in the night, spraining thumbs in your sleep....... it's scary to wake up and think that in such a vulnerable and safe place- sleep- your body was out of control. Sleep/ night/ bed is such a haven for me- a shelter- and I hate to poison it with fears of seizures while i'm dormant.

you probably sense that i'm getting at something. I'm pretty sure I had a seizure in my sleep last night- but it's just that whole realm of the unknown that I hate. Does it really matter, the knowing? Maybe not. But my very nature- and maybe all of human nature- drives me to demand answers... to want to know, to seek truth, and facts.

it can be frustrating.

1 comment:

Colleen said...

oh noes stupid epilepsy...that bas-turd. <3 love you